Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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