Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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