I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
