he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Houston, we have a blender
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
