Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
