Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
