how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
