Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
