I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
