Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
