i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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