Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
