Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
