C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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