We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
