I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize