I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
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I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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