i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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