I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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