There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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