Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
