just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
