i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
