Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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