I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
