I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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