what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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