My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
