did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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