The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
