hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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