Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
