when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
