You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
