just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
