what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
