party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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