he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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