My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
