Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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