im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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