College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
