I'm eating all of the evidence.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
