remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
