i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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