Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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