are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
