It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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