He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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