I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my being single is dangerous.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
