I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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