so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
