she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
