There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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