Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
