Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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