just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
